Has a traumatic event made you feel lost or stuck in place?
If you have experienced a traumatic event, it may be affecting every aspect of your life. Maybe nightmares keep coming night after night leaving you too exhausted or fearful to function well in your day. Perhaps you’d rather not talk about the event or think about it all, yet people keep asking. Do you isolate, avoiding other people or activities to keep from facing a conversation? Or what if you haven’t experienced a traumatic event, but you’re feeling disconnected from yourself or others? Have you been told you have unreasonable needs? You may be wondering “Am I the crazy one in this relationship?” You may doubt yourself and what you know because the person is denying obvious facts. Perhaps you’re not allowed to have your own feelings. Maybe your parents or other caretakers when you were a kid were harsh physically and/or mentally, calling you names or denying your needs. You might think “I’m an adult; I should be able to handle this.” Yet you continue to feel lost and second place despite your best efforts. These and other questions are common after experiencing a trauma or if you’re in a toxic relationship.
It’s understandable that when we’ve experienced a trauma our world is often shaken, sometimes we just shut down. We have a natural response to scary events in our built-in “fight or flight” response. We now know that there is a third response; people who have learned from past experiences that there isn’t anything that they can do so they freeze like a “deer in the headlights.” Often people just want the issue to go away so they can be happy.
Do you wish you knew how to process painful experiences so you can feel you are an authority in your own life?
Everyone experiences trauma
We all understand the big ‘T’ traumas: the car accident, physical or sexual abuse, being held at gunpoint or being a victim of a mass shooting. Perhaps you’ve had Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE): a childhood with verbal or emotional abuse, incest.
Then there are the little ‘t’ traumas: Parents yelling at each other and the kids, calling you names, labelling you as stupid, ugly …. you name it. Maybe they walked in on you anytime, anywhere, while you were naked in the shower or while you were dressing, so you didn’t quite feel safe or that what you needed didn’t matter. Or maybe your family was super strict, no friends could come over and you couldn’t go over to anyone’s house. You just learned to live with it, because it was how your family interacted. As an adult you may have experienced something on the job such as performance reviews that didn’t go well, the promotion you thought you earned didn’t come through or an unsupportive remark your spouse made when you really needed to know you were cared for.
Everyone goes through traumatic experiences, usually it’s the small ‘t’ kind. These are the events that seem like they should be easily gotten over, yet they aren’t. Experiencing trauma isn’t rare; it’s inherent in living. We experience loss on a regular basis: the death of a loved one, a chronic illness or job loss. We take these in as a “normal part of life.” But many of us weren’t taught how to handle these losses in a healthy productive way. This leaves you open to being emotional at things that don’t seem to be related. This unprocessed trauma is affecting other parts of your life.
If you relive the events of your trauma it could be a sign of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand/common/common_adults.asp The National Center for PTSD states that roughly 8% of the U.S. population will experience PTSD. Thankfully you don’t have to go through this alone. With the help of a trauma therapist you can experience help and healing.
With therapy you can grow through this experience
The old adage says that “time heals all wounds” but the truth is that it doesn’t get better with time unless you do something about it. Sometimes by not dealing with the trauma initially our waiting can cause PTSD symptoms. Doing this alone is nearly impossible, we are made to live in community, to have someone help us move through our troubles and share our joys. Choosing to do this with someone who understands the hard path of healing gives you the strength to heal.
In our first session I’ll take you through a structured interview to get a basic idea of how you grew up, how you take care of yourself now (if you do) and what’s important for you to work on. Getting a sense of your history and how you see your current circumstances will help me form an individualized treatment plan for you. This first session allows you to start talking about what’s going on without having to go deeper than you feel safe going. I’ve seen how important a safe and comfortable environment can be. I’ve seen the pain from the big ‘T’ traumas and the build-up of little ‘t’ traumas take its toll. It can be difficult to speak about what has happened to you. Often it’s scary, humiliating and painful to revisit these memories so I take a gentle approach, not going any faster than you are able to handle.
In subsequent sessions we’ll identify ways for you to learn how to pay attention to what is going on inside your body and mind. Mindfulness is a way of being in the present and noticing your thoughts and emotions without judging them. Because the body holds the emotional experiences as well, we’ll use Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) to help you identify and work through the pain and tension that is in your body.
While many therapists work with people who have trauma; I am a trauma therapist, it is what I do. I’ve been working with people who have experienced big ‘T” and small ‘t” traumas since 2008 and I am a Certified Trauma Professional. I have seen people have significant improvement in their lives when they come regularly and are committed to making the changes. Together we can discover things about you that help you grieve over the loss, which is an important part of the healing process. You can come out stronger for it. Instead of just holding on to these things, you can actively move on in a safe and supportive space with professional support. Anxiety goes down, depression lifts, and you can have a better sense of who you are and, once again feel happy, confident and secure.
You may have other questions about therapy
What if I get triggered during the course of treatment?
Getting triggered is a possibility which is why I foster a safe environment, so we move at a pace that is comfortable for you. Together we’ll spend some time creating practices and learning new skills that will allow you to be mindful about the symptoms and how you are affected by thoughts and events. When you see that you are capable of getting through this in session you can take these skills and awareness into everyday life.
I’ve heard counseling can be expensive
This is an investment in your future and a healing from your past. By working through the trauma and PTSD, you are developing a healthy sense of who you are. If you are in a toxic relationship you can decide how you want to proceed and learn the signs so that you don’t get into that kind of relationship again.
If you are concerned about the cost, I take a few insurances and there are other insurance companies that may be willing to pay for sessions with an out-of-network provider.
You can overcome the PTSD and pain of trauma
If you would like to schedule an appointment or discuss any questions you may have regarding treatment, I am available at 951-403-1495. I try to get back to voicemail and email within 24 hours.
Relevant Blog Posts
