Human relationships are a basic necessity of life. They’re rewarding and fulfilling, but they can also be complex, painful, and a source of stress.
Psychological patterns can weave their way into the dynamics and inner workings of any relationship. One particularly painful pairing is codependency and narcissism. They may seem to be two completely independent traits, but there is a link between the two. Oftentimes, they can attract and sustain each other.
Together, they can be a powerful and dysfunctional duo that is difficult to break. Here’s a closer look at the link between the two.
What Is Codependency?
Codependency is a behavioral condition that involves an emotional component and an excessive reliance on another person for validation. You need them for approval and to define your self-worth.
People who demonstrate codependent behaviors often prioritize others’ wants, needs, and happiness over their own. This usually involves neglecting their own feelings and emotions.
It is a type of behavioral pattern that develops from early childhood experiences, like growing up where boundaries were unclear or where emotional needs went unmet.
What Is Narcissism?
Narcissism is a trait characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance. There’s an underlying need for admiration, with little empathy given to others.
Narcissistic behaviors can occur on a spectrum from minor habits to a full-fledged dysfunctional disorder known as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
This type of behavior develops from a deep and internal, fragile self-esteem. In an effort to mask that lack of confidence, it outwardly becomes arrogance and entitlement.
The Shared Dance
There is an interesting relationship between the two, something resembling a dance back and forth. A little bit of give and take.
Codependents crave approval and validation. They take on caregiver roles and are willing to make sacrifices to receive it. Narcissists crave control, attention, and admiration. One gives and the other takes. One serves to reinforce and fuel the other.
The Power Struggle
Narcissists display dominant behaviors, while codependents are often left powerless by their own actions. They will stay in the mix with a narcissist out of fear of abandonment or causing upset.
Codependents enable the narcissistic behavior by their avoidance of conflict. As wrong as it may be, narcissists will use emotional manipulation to maintain that power imbalance. It’s not always meant to be malicious; it just is what is required to serve their needs.
Psychological Roots
Both of these behaviors can be traced back to childhood roots. There may be a link to some type of trauma. It could also be caused by having basic emotional needs go unmet by parents or caregivers.
For codependents, receiving praise and love was likely conditional and not given in abundance. With narcissists, their behaviors are more likely to stem from defense mechanisms.
Healing from Codependency and Narcissism
The overlap between codependency and narcissism is not an uncommon occurrence. Despite having this intimate linkage, the path to finding healing can differentiate between the two.
As a codependent, you would want to focus on the following areas:
Learning how to set healthy boundaries
Building, or rebuilding, self-esteem
Breaking the need for external approval
Becoming more assertive and confident
With narcissism, you’ll want to address:
Developing empathy
Exploring insecurities
Identifying the cause of wanting control
The first step in breaking free from these behavior patterns is recognition. There also needs to be a certain level of motivation to change. Trauma therapy offers a safe space to explore the roots of these behaviors, as well as how they are manifesting in your daily life. Do you want to learn more about Trauma Counseling? Click on the link.
The journey may be challenging, but working with a therapist can help empower you to create healthier, more effective relationships. Contact me to get started.