The divorce rate among first marriages in the United States is somewhere between 40 and 50%. Despite these numbers, no one is prepared when divorce happens to them.
It’s a painful experience that leads to one of the hardest transitions you will have to make in life. This is because divorce is more than simply a marriage coming to an end. It’s the abrupt end to shared identities, daily routines, and future dreams. The life you expected to have is coming to an end.
With that loss often comes an overwhelming grief. You may feel lost or confused about how to proceed moving forward. Thankfully, healing is entirely possible with the right support, a good amount of patience, and time. Here’s a look at how you can rediscover yourself and build a future that makes you feel whole again.
Understanding Your Grief
After going through a divorce, you may experience more complex grief compared to other losses. While it is tied to one event, it has many layers with few societal rituals and closure that is unclear at best.
Your grief can be triggered by the loss of your companion as well as the loss of yourself that was tied to the other person. You may grieve over shared goals and shared dreams. It’s not uncommon to go through a rollercoaster of highs and lows, sometimes experiencing all the emotions in the same day.
These feelings of grief are completely normal and don’t necessarily follow any straight path. The key is to understand the feelings you’re having and allow yourself the opportunity to process them without any judgment.
Give Yourself Permission
While going through a divorce, we often force ourselves to be strong and hold it together. But for whom? Healing begins when you permit yourself to go through the emotions and not be ok when you’re not feeling ok.
Give yourself permission to grieve, to take rest and recovery time, and to rebuild your new life on your own schedule.
Feel Your Feelings
Suppressing emotions may make you feel or seem tough in the moment, but it can do long-term harm to your well-being. Avoiding them won’t make them go away. In fact, they may come back when you’re least expecting them to, with full vengeance.
Keep a journal where you write about what you’re feeling during the high and low periods. Confide in a trusted friend who can offer support and outside advice on the situation. Don’t be afraid to use your resources and lean on your people.
Establish New Rituals
As you move forward with your next chapter, it’s important to start creating new rituals that are your own. It’s a way for you to fill a void with new meaning and stability.
New rituals can help create joy, redefine your identity, form new memories, and revisit or strengthen connections with loved ones. Start having a weekly family day where you explore new places and try out various activities. Practice daily gratitude or do a weekly self-reflection. Celebrate personal milestones to give them extra meaning.
Set Healthy Boundaries
If you need to interact with your ex after the divorce, do so in a way that protects and respects your needs. Communication can be painful and confusing, so assess the situation and keep it limited to only what’s necessary. Being protective of your emotional space is one of the purest forms of self-care.
Seek Professional Support
Divorce grief is difficult and often traumatic, yet it is a natural step in the process. Sometimes having an outside perspective can help you explore the emotions you’re going through and rebuild the part of you that may have been knocked down during the process. I’m here to help you move forward to the next chapter. Reach out to schedule a consultation.