File this one under “easier said than done.” But make no mistake, letting go of the past is as important a goal as anyone could ever aim for. We all know what it’s like to feel stuck. Who hasn’t been told it’s time to “move on,”? Yet, we hold onto past betrayals, letdowns, embarrassments, and more. We know this is not a healthy choice but there we are, ruminating and fixating. Despite all of this, there is good news. It is well within your power to let go of the events that keep you attached to the past.
Why Do We Hold Onto the Past?
You know you can’t change the past. So, why do you keep re-living it? One big reason has to do with how your brain works. Positive experiences require less thinking. That’s why you can lose track of time when having fun. Conversely, negative events are more fully processed. There’s a big downside to this biological quirk. The bad stuff is way easier to remember.
All of this means we must begin by accepting reality. We cannot re-train our biology. As a result, the focus must be on re-training ourselves. The past is set in stone. Our brain is doing what it’s supposed to do. Therefore, our job is to identify the emotions we’ve attached to the past. From there, it’s all about balance.
Remembering the past has value. We can learn valuable lessons. We can also honor moments and people who were part of our lives. The key is not getting stuck there. This essential work often begins when we forgive ourselves.
How to Let Go of the Past
Forgive Yourself
There has never been a person who hasn’t made a mistake. There will never be a person who hasn’t made a mistake. If you do not accept this, you will inevitably get stuck in the past. Try owning up to the error. Hold yourself accountable. Pledge to do better. But then… forgive yourself as you would forgive a close friend or loved one.
Identify Your Emotions (and your blessings)
When you are attached to an emotion (feeling it or avoiding it), this attachment will change your habits. This cycle becomes invisible over time. Thus, it requires some deep introspection to recognize your emotional patterns. After a bad experience in the past, you may be doing everything you can to avoid anything similar. You literally train yourself to do this. Good news: If you can train yourself to get stuck, you can train yourself to let go. A giant step in this direction is gratitude. When you appreciate your life in the present, it’s less likely you’ll stay attached to the past.
Control What You Can Control
So much of our discomfort is caused by our desire to control. There is precious little that we can actually control. Keep reminding yourself that the past is beyond your control. Do you know what is under your control? The present moment.
Your choices and actions — right here and right now — have the power to reshape your mindset and your future. This shift puts you in the position to release your attachment to how things “should have” gone.
Help Others
Giving back is an ideal way to a) stay present and b) feel gratitude. Becoming a more altruistic person can feel like a mission. It will root you in the present moment and give you a sense of purpose.
Part of letting go of the past is getting help in the present. I’d love to talk with you about moving forward on this path of letting go. Let’s set up a free consultation!
If you want to read more before contacting me please click on Trauma and PTSD Treatment.