When you took your wedding vows, you pledged your love to your husband. More than that, you and he shared your hearts and souls. Whether it was in your spoken vows or not, an underlying theme was always mutual respect. How then is it possible that he has betrayed you?
In the first section below, we’ll address precisely how this is possible. Some 200,000 Americans own up to being porn addicts. The actual numbers are surely much higher. At least 40 million Americans are regularly visiting porn sites. Two-thirds of those porn viewers are males.
After that, we’ll dig into the steps you can take to survive this scenario.
How Does Something Like This Happen?
Pornography is easily accessible to people of all ages and so many of them have taken the bait. The average age that kids are first exposed to porn is 13 but some encounter it as young as 5. The first glimpse is often accidental. After that, accessing porn is far more likely to be intentional.
Nearly 40 percent of all downloads are pornography-related. This leads to 33 percent of workers consuming porn at their jobs — for close to two hours of their workday. As you wonder how your husband was ensnared, consider that each and every day in the U.S.:
One-quarter of all internet searches (68 million searches) relate to porn
116,000 of those searches relate to child pornography
About 40 porn videos are created
Over 2 billion emails containing porn links, videos, or images are sent
If that doesn’t drive home the point, here’s what happens each second:
Almost 30,000 internet users are watching porn
This earns the porn industry over $3,000 (per second)
Even those of deep faith are being tempted on a level never before seen. This is not an excuse but can offer solace when trying to understand what’s happened and why. From there, you can find the strength and faith to take the following steps.
How To Survive Your Husband’s Porn Addiction When You Are a Christian Wife
1. Recognize That You Are Not Alone
It’s not your fault. Our society (as the numbers above attest) is under assault and there is no need for self-blame. Yes, feel what you need to feel. You’ve been betrayed and let down. But you are not alone. Resist the urge to hide this as a secret.
Other wives in your community have certainly been impacted and there is strength in numbers. Join together to identify the situation. This places you in a better position to develop ways to help your husbands, eliminate the stigma, and move forward into a place of more profound faith and trust.
2. Again, This is Not About You
Our shared culture objectifies women and teaches disrespect. On a computer or phone screen, the women are presented in such a way as to lure in more and more viewers. This is a false portrayal of sex and of life. Your husband is not rejecting you any more than he would be rejecting you if he were addicted to gambling or drugs. In the same way, he is not rejecting God.
3. Help Him Face Reality and Get Support
Your husband must hold himself accountable, apologize, and show genuine remorse. There are no free passes. However, there is forgiveness and love. Lean on your faith and trust in God to show you the way forward. Work as a team and seek help from your trusted social circle.
Couples Therapy is Essential
This is a complicated situation but not an impossible one. With the guidance of an experienced counselor, you and your husband can reconnect and thrive. It’s not easy but it is certainly worth it. I only work with individuals, not couples and can recommend therapists who can help. In the meantime if your husband isn’t interested in couples therapy, I would be honored to help you walk through this. Please contact me.